Roast My Pipeline — official transcript
The Pipeline of Broken Dreams
“This workspace has a source literally named delete-me that's been enabled for 14 months. That's not tech debt anymore. That's a memorial.”
Exhibit 1 — Source: dsadsa
You named a production source dsadsa. That's not a name, that's what happens when your forehead hits the keyboard and you ship the result.
Source 'dsadsa' (MoEngage) — enabled: true
Exhibit 2 — Source: delete-me-tp-source
There's a source called delete-me-tp-source and nobody has deleted it. A sticky note that says 'throw this away', framed and hung on the wall.
Source 'delete-me-tp-source' (HTTP) — enabled: true
Exhibit 3 — Google Analytics 4
Your GA4 destination drops one event in four. At this point GA4 is less of a destination and more of a suggestion.
4,812 of 20,634 events failed delivery in the last 24h
Exhibit 4 — Destination: Old Amplitude (do not use)
You renamed it Old Amplitude (do not use) instead of disabling it. It is enabled. It is being used. The parentheses are load-bearing and they are failing.
61% failure rate — enabled: true
Exhibit 5 — Tracking plans
Zero tracking plans across 19 sources. Your schema governance strategy is vibes.
listtrackingplans returned an empty array
Exhibit 6 — Event naming
Order Completed, order_completed, and OrderCompleted are three different events in your warehouse right now. Pick a casing. Any casing. I am begging you.
3 duplicate event name variants detected in source metrics
This pipeline isn't broken. Broken implies it worked once. The good news: nothing here survives one tracking plan and a single brave afternoon of deleting things.
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